Alright this is probably
going to sound all emo or depressing or something like that as I go along, so if you don't care don't read.
So I didn't do too well in school this first semester.
I ended up with a A in Art, A in P.E., B in Math, B in Spanish, C in Biology, and I haven't found out what I have in English yet, but last report I got I was at a D/F. This is because I did not do my homework. Why didn't I do it? Even I don't know. Usually when I get home from school I'm done with all that work for the day, and I can do other work that's for outside of school. I'm pretty happy at school, I have all my friends there and I'm just in a good environment. When I get home though, that's when I have my problems. I'm constantly harassed over schoolwork even if I've finished it all and I'm relaxing after a long day. I'm yelled at over pretty much anything and everything, and I seem to do every little thing wrong. Even if I leave a spoon or plate in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher I'm shamed over it. My parents are disappointed in me, they hate me, they think I'm an idiotic and stupid child, I'm overly emotional, and I can't do anything right. I've been told all this by them, and yeah, it's pretty much true now. It's such a negative place here that I really just can't put up with it sometimes. It's really, really, really
stupid, but I have though about killing myself. Now I'm not saying I'll go do it, but I have thought of it just because of these situations I'm forced into. It's not good. Those of you who really know me know that I'm very emotional sometimes. A lot of my friends have seen my cry countless times, I just can't help it sometimes. All my emotions just come crashing in at the same time and it gives me hell. It's this thing I do, I put everybody else first before me, no matter who they are or what their attitude is towards me. I just feel like everyone else is more important, and they should succeed first. Back to the school thing, my parents obviously want me to do my best, but even I don't know what my best is. So what if how I'm doing right now is my best, and since it's a disappointment, I guess I'm just a disappointment in the whole. I really don't know how I'm going to go on throughout my life without proper support here and now. I obviously have mental problems too. I hallucinate and see things that aren't there, I hear things, I sometimes can't even separate imagination and reality sometimes. It's my fault for letting my imagination and the reality of this world blend together too easily. It all just sucks.
I don't know how I'm going on like this.
I don't know how I'm still living.
I just threw all of my sad thoughts together, so if some things don't make sense or fit together, my bad.
Hope you all had a great weekend, I got to spend time with my loverfriends and paint !OreoKF
's room smurf blue.