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Should be about School Times!
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Alright this is probably going to sound all emo or depressing or something like that as I go along, so if you don't care don't read.
So I didn't do too well in school this first semester.
I ended up with a A in Art, A in P.E., B in Math, B in Spanish, C in Biology, and I haven't found out what I have in English yet, but last report I got I was at a D/F. This is because I did not do my homework. Why didn't I do it? Even I don't know. Usually when I get home from school I'm done with all that work for the day, and I can do other work that's for outside of school. I'm pretty happy at school, I have all my friends there and I'm just in a good environment. When I get home though, that's when I have my problems. I'm constantly harassed over schoolwork even if I've finished it all and I'm relaxing after a long day. I'm yelled at over pretty much anything and everything, and I seem to do every little thing wrong. Even if I leave a spoon or plate in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher I'm shamed over it. My parents are disappointed in me, they hate me, they think I'm an idiotic and stupid child, I'm overly emotional, and I can't do anything right. I've been told all this by them, and yeah, it's pretty much true now. It's such a negative place here that I really just can't put up with it sometimes. It's really, really, really stupid, but I have though about killing myself. Now I'm not saying I'll go do it, but I have thought of it just because of these situations I'm forced into. It's not good. Those of you who really know me know that I'm very emotional sometimes. A lot of my friends have seen my cry countless times, I just can't help it sometimes. All my emotions just come crashing in at the same time and it gives me hell. It's this thing I do, I put everybody else first before me, no matter who they are or what their attitude is towards me. I just feel like everyone else is more important, and they should succeed first. Back to the school thing, my parents obviously want me to do my best, but even I don't know what my best is. So what if how I'm doing right now is my best, and since it's a disappointment, I guess I'm just a disappointment in the whole. I really don't know how I'm going to go on throughout my life without proper support here and now. I obviously have mental problems too. I hallucinate and see things that aren't there, I hear things, I sometimes can't even separate imagination and reality sometimes. It's my fault for letting my imagination and the reality of this world blend together too easily. It all just sucks.
I don't know how I'm going on like this.
I don't know how I'm still living.
I just threw all of my sad thoughts together, so if some things don't make sense or fit together, my bad.
Hope you all had a great weekend, I got to spend time with my loverfriends and paint !OreoKF 's room smurf blue.
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At last, I just wanna you to know that you're always awesome, either at art or singing. I may not know you very well, but it's really my pleasure to have such a wonderful friend like you
Look at all those comments below, you've got lots of nice friends! Talk to them (or to me!), and listen to some soft music, it'll make you feel better.
P.S. Btw, I did not meant to rush you for the twitter chorus, just take you time, sing only when you feel like doing it!
UUUUUU BEAAAAAST U GOT AN A IN THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS THAT'S RIGHT ARRTTTTTT!!!!!!!
Oh yeah. And I know u know wut i mean because ur teacher PUT UR ARTWORK UP and everytime i passed it i'd be like O LOOK I KNOW A FAMOUS PERSON HAHAHAHA. LOOK HER ART IS RIGHT THERE HAHAHA. HA.
Seriously ur an amazing artist and i'm partial jealous and partial in awe and partial freaking out everytime u draw something.
Ur rents need to take a chilly pill. I manufacture them and I'll cut u a deal on them cuz ur people realllyyyy neeed it. God school isn't even the important thing! Friends, family, and... Art. Art's important. Because it's part of u.
Oh yeah and my heart literally SKIPPED A BEAT, NO IT SKIPPED AWAY AND VANISHED, when u spoke of being so alone and so freaking DONE that u didn't want to be here anymore. Like seriously. If u want to ruin my life and drawing skillz and happiness then do it but if u have kindness then don't THANKS ur too strong to do dat shit anyways.
And ily. And so duz everyone. Just saying.
Kk see ur face in SCIENCE. BEATRICHEEEE.
But I know all the sorries in the world from strangers won't make it any better. I know the exact same feeling of being worthless and a general fuck up. Feeling that no matter what you do you seem to dissapoint others even if you see it satisfactory. Not to sound generic (and even I myself have problems with this) you have to take a step back and see everything. Your parents want to see you suceed and do better than they did. Your way of suceeding just might not be what their thinking. Even I sometimes I doubt whether or not art is my "calling". You might doubt whether some things are "cut out for you."
But don't stress over a D or F. Hell I just straight p FAILED a test the other day! Hell I would stress to the point of making myself sick. I felt sick mentally and physicaly for a long time. You need to breath and really think about why/how you got to that spot? Can someone help me with this class? I know it's a pain in the ass, but it is worth it. Looking back and realizing those times weren't filled with stress and sickness.
Dear, I've been through some pretty rough times myself. I know what it feels like to cry myself to sleep or hearing a little comment that could fester and eat away at me all day. Sometimes I nearly trip over the edge and fall back into the the same feeling's. I sat and wondered about ending my life. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO. Again not insuating that you will (I obviously didn't after years or thinking about it) and it may not seem like ANYTHING is getting better. At least you don't bottle these things up. It only hurts 10 fold when you finally feel them again.
Again as generic and it sounds DO WHAT YOU FEEL. Do your best! The worst that can happen is disappointment. I know that is very fun to experience, but does this dissapointment form a wall in front of you?
Tell you-you can't do anything? Why hell no it dosen't!
I happen to think you'r a great artist! Even if you arent feelin' the picture write a story! Write down your thaughts!
If anything. ANYTHING. Just have someone listen to you.
I'll listen you can send me a note or comment or whatever. Ask me anything!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly hope it helped somehow.
The problem comes from your parents not seeing that you ARE doing the best you can. Your grades are above average, for the most part, and it's not from a failure to understand the material. Now, even though your home situation is unfair, you will still have to compromise to reach a solution. Your parents seems to be very focused on grades and you becoming a high achiever. Tell them respectfully and calmly that you need a calmer work environment, that you are being mindful of your studies. Honesty is the best policy, but, do it tactfully.
Even if it ends badly, the stress of keeping your emotions from your parents will get off your chest. And, I may be talking through my arse for all of this, so I apologize if I am. I always found that writing and music get me through tough emotional times. You can get through this!
Your current grades I'd say are pretty damn good,
Meaning, you are not Useless and Idiotic.
It's Academical Evidence of your Intelligence.
As a Person (I don't know you well but...)
I feel strength and trust coming from you,
whenever i speak to you, I get really happy,
I would be proud to have a Child or even a Sister like you, because your such an awesome person.
That's saying something considering we've not spoken as much as your actual friends.
I hope you feel Better,
Second, you know how I feel about the hallucination seeing things etc stuff. You just know without knowing. In a way.
Third, I obviously hate your parents. So. Fucking. Much. I don't even need to meet them. And if you need to cry then cry all the fuck you want just let it ALLLLLL out. We all have our lil freak-outs and emotional crashes Ihaven'treallyhadoneinalongtimebutI'mboundtoforce-crywhoknowswhen8D and it's ok, it's part of human nature. If I had parents like that I would've run away, gone to som1's house and lived with them. Or call my sis to get me the fuck out of here. But running away doesn't always end well. And with me, you don't have to feel like I have to go first. My life's in control and I'd rather you think about yourself sometimes and just talk to me. I repeat: Just talk to me. It's ok, I'll listen I'll talk to u about it, try to stay up with u, w/e. You're not a burden and you know I andyou-know-who:v love you and will try to do anything to make you happy!
Theothertwoarehappyfucksandtheotheronedoesn'tlikeyouTHATmuch.Hedoes,butnotalot.Hormones rage n' stuff around our age anyway, so lots of crazy feelings are completely normal. I swear, sometimes I would just come home and cry for a half an hour for no reason at all in eight grade, and then around summer, it was just like BOOM, and it completely stopped. So hang in there.
And think aboot it, once ur in college, NO MO FAMIRY IF YU DUNT WANT TOO. And when ur in college we can like visit each other and shit and u can occupy vital regions like a baws.
As for the hearing things/seeing things thing thing I can kiiiinda relate to that but mine is just from being exposed to wacked out energy levels in my ghostoccupiedhouse da. (sensitive ftw?) But for u if it starts to really bother u I would suggest getting it checked out or talking to ur doc about it next physical or sumthin. And for some things, like mood swings and stuff, as much as EVERYONE hates to hear it, PART of what ur feeling is probably hormones. I mean, hormones happen to everyone. And then after a couple years they stop freaking out as much and ur like, "wtf was i doing with the last 3 years of my life??" anywaysyah.
BECOME ONE WITH RUSSIA AND FEEL BETTER, DA?
/crycrycrycry/
famiry leave me aroooone
no my head is just effed up i'll be okii
ive pretty much always been emotional towards stuff and everything and i nomnomnom off other peoples emotions because i want to be able to help and relate and all that gud stuff cause i want happeh frondz.
MOTHER RUSSIA, PWEAAAAASE
YOU SHALL BE GLOMPED TODAY
YOU WON'T SEE IT COMING